The Spouse Conversation
Key Takeaways
"I need to talk to my spouse" is often legitimate—honor it
Ask whom the client wants involved and what information they may receive
Involve both decision-makers from the beginning
"I Need to Talk to My Spouse"
"The person not in the room often makes the final decision."
This objection is tricky because it's often completely legitimate. A client may reasonably want to consult a partner. Respect that choice without assuming who owns an account or who has legal authority over it.
Respect the Request
Engagement, body language or declining a joint meeting does not prove whether the request is sincere. Offer clear written information and let the client choose whom to consult. Confirm authorization before sharing nonpublic information.
Questions About the Decision
| Question | What It Reveals |
|---|---|
| "What do you think their reaction will be?" | Their prediction of spouse's concerns |
| "What aspects would you most want their input on?" | Where they feel uncertain |
| "What would make your spouse comfortable?" | What objections to expect |
| "How do you two typically make financial decisions?" | The actual decision dynamic |
| "Would it help if we met together next time?" | Whether a joint meeting would help |
The Offer to Include
"I completely understand wanting to discuss this together—these are important decisions. Would it be helpful if we scheduled a time when you can both be here? That way they can ask questions directly and you won't have to relay everything."
If they agree, confirm who should attend and what may be shared. If they decline, respect their preferred way to consult. A spouse is not automatically authorized to direct an individually owned account.
Prevention: Start with Both
Ask early whom the client wishes to involve. Include others only within the client's permissions and the applicable account authority and privacy requirements.
"Before we go further, I want to make sure we include everyone who needs to be part of this decision. Is there a spouse, partner, or anyone else who should be in our conversations?"
The Deferring Husband
A husband who needs to "run everything by his wife"
Setup
You've had a productive meeting with a man in his 40s about retirement planning. He seems ready to move forward, but now says he needs to discuss it with his wife, who "handles most of the finances."
Client says:
“This makes a lot of sense, and I'd really like to move forward. But I need to run it by my wife first. She's the one who really handles our finances—I'd be in trouble if I made a decision like this without her. Can you put together something I can show her?”
Practice Objectives
- 1Honor his respect for his wife's role (don't dismiss it)
- 2Understand the actual decision-making dynamic
- 3Offer to meet with both of them together
- 4Find out what specifically he thinks she'll want to know
- 5Provide accurate, approved materials in the requested format
The Resistant Spouse
A client whose spouse is skeptical of financial advisors
Setup
A prospective client mentions that they're interested, but their spouse has had bad experiences with financial advisors and is very resistant to the idea of working with one.
Client says:
“I'm really interested in what you're offering. But here's my problem: my husband had a bad experience with a financial advisor years ago—they lost a lot of money for his parents. He says all financial advisors are just salespeople. I don't know how to get him on board.”
Practice Objectives
- 1Get curious about the specific bad experience
- 2Understand what the husband's concerns are (not just dismiss them)
- 3Explore whether the client can address husband's concerns or if you need to
- 4Offer to meet the husband to answer questions directly
- 5Acknowledge the skepticism is reasonable given the experience
A client says they need to discuss your recommendation with their spouse. What's the best response?
"What specifically do you think they'll want to know?"
"I can give you a brochure to share with them."
"Most spouses are supportive once they understand the benefits."
"How soon can you get back to me with their answer?"