Key Takeaways
- Money is emotional—treat it that way
- Normalize the difficulty of financial conversations
- Create psychological safety before asking hard questions
When Money Gets Personal
"Money isn't about money. It's about security, self-worth, power, and love."
Some financial conversations touch deep nerves:
- Debt they're ashamed of
- Spending they regret
- Mistakes they've made
- Fears they haven't voiced
- Family conflicts about money
Creating Safety First
Before diving into sensitive topics:
| Do This | Why It Works |
|---|---|
| Normalize the topic | "A lot of people struggle with this..." |
| Share that others have been there | "You're not the first person to tell me this" |
| Explicitly remove judgment | "There's no judgment here—I've heard everything" |
| Give them an out | "If you're not comfortable sharing, that's okay" |
| Explain why you're asking | "I ask because it helps me understand..." |
Transition Phrases for Hard Topics
| Topic | Transition Phrase |
|---|---|
| Debt | "Can I ask you about something that's sometimes hard to discuss? A lot of people have debt they're not comfortable talking about. Is there anything like that in your situation?" |
| Spending | "Sometimes we spend money on things that don't align with our values. Does any of your spending feel that way to you?" |
| Family money | "Money in families can be complicated. How do finances work in your relationship?" |
| Past mistakes | "Most people have at least one financial decision they wish they could undo. What's yours?" |
| Financial secrets | "Is there anything about your finances that you haven't told anyone—including your spouse?" |
Reading Emotional Cues
| They Show | You Should |
|---|---|
| Getting defensive | Back off, try different angle |
| Voice getting tight | Acknowledge the emotion |
| Looking away | Give them space |
| Tearing up | Pause, offer tissue, wait |
| Shutting down | Don't push—note it for later |
The Power of "That Must Be Hard"
Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing about finances at all:
"That must be hard." "I can hear how stressful this has been." "It sounds like you've been carrying this alone for a while."
These responses honor the human before addressing the financial.
Hidden Debt
A client with secret credit card debt their spouse doesn't know about
Setup
You're doing a financial review with a married client. Their spouse isn't present. As you go through the numbers, something doesn't add up—and they nervously admit there's credit card debt they haven't mentioned.
Client says:
“Okay, there's something I need to tell you. I have... some credit card debt that my husband doesn't know about. It's about $40,000. It started during the pandemic when I lost my job and I just... I didn't want to worry him. Now it's gotten so big I don't know how to tell him. Please don't judge me.”
Practice Objectives
- 1Respond with empathy, not solutions (yet)
- 2Normalize the situation without minimizing it
- 3Understand how it happened without interrogating
- 4Explore their feelings about the secrecy
- 5Help them think through options for addressing it
- 6Do NOT tell them what to do about their marriage
The Gambling Problem
A client who hints at a gambling issue
Setup
You notice irregular large withdrawals in a client's statements. When you ask about them, the client becomes uncomfortable and eventually reveals they've been going to the casino.
Client says:
“*Long pause* Those withdrawals... okay. I've been going to the casino. It started as a stress reliever after work. But it's gotten... I don't know. I tell myself I'll stop but then I go back. I haven't told my wife. She'd leave me. I don't know why I'm telling you this.”
Practice Objectives
- 1Recognize this is beyond financial advice
- 2Respond with compassion, not alarm
- 3Acknowledge the courage it took to share
- 4Gently suggest professional help (not financial advice)
- 5Express care without enabling
- 6Know the limits of your role
A client reveals they've made a major financial mistake. The best first response is: