Key Takeaways
- Financial decisions are emotional, not rational
- Numbers tell you what; emotions tell you why
- The best solutions address emotional needs, not just financial ones
Beyond the Numbers
"People don't buy products. They buy feelings."
A client might say they want to "retire comfortably." But what does that actually mean?
- Freedom from worry?
- Ability to travel?
- Not being a burden on their kids?
- Proving they made it?
Until you know the emotional driver, you're just guessing at solutions.
Questions That Reveal Emotions
| Topic | Emotional Discovery Question |
|---|---|
| Retirement | "When you picture yourself retired, what are you doing? How do you feel?" |
| Protection | "What would happen to your family if something happened to you? How does thinking about that feel?" |
| Wealth | "What would having more money allow you to do that you can't do now?" |
| Security | "What does feeling 'financially secure' actually look like for you?" |
| Legacy | "What do you want your money to say about you after you're gone?" |
The "Why Behind the Why"
When clients give you a goal, ask why. Then ask why again.
Example:
"I want to save more for retirement." → "What would saving more allow you to do?" → "Retire earlier." → "And what would retiring earlier give you?" → "More time with my grandkids while I'm still healthy." → "Tell me more about that. Why is that so important?" → "My dad worked until he was 70 and died six months after he retired. He never got to enjoy it. I don't want that to be me."
Now you understand. This isn't about retirement. It's about not repeating his father's fate. That's actionable.
Emotions to Explore
| Emotion | Questions to Uncover It |
|---|---|
| Fear | "What's your biggest financial worry?" |
| Hope | "If everything went perfectly, what would your life look like?" |
| Guilt | "Is there anything about your finances that bothers you?" |
| Pride | "What are you most proud of financially?" |
| Shame | "A lot of people feel embarrassed about X. Do you relate to that?" |
| Love | "Who are you really doing this for?" |
The Permission to Get Deep
Some clients aren't used to discussing emotions with a financial professional. You may need to explain:
"I'm asking these questions because the numbers only tell part of the story. Everyone's numbers can look the same on paper, but their lives and what they care about are completely different. To really help you, I need to understand what this is all really about for you."
The Numbers-Only Client
An analytical client who avoids emotional topics
Setup
You're meeting with an engineer who speaks only in numbers and facts. Every time you try to explore feelings or motivations, they redirect to performance metrics and projections.
Client says:
“So I've run the numbers. Based on my current savings rate and expected returns, I should have $2.3 million by age 65. I want to stress-test that assumption. Can you show me Monte Carlo simulations for different market scenarios?”
Practice Objectives
- 1Respect their analytical nature (don't dismiss it)
- 2Gently redirect from numbers to meaning
- 3Find emotional entry points without being pushy
- 4Explore what the $2.3 million is actually for
- 5Uncover the human motivations behind the calculations
The Emotional Avoider
Someone who deflects when conversations get personal
Setup
You're in a discovery meeting and the client keeps giving surface-level answers and changing the subject when you try to go deeper on personal topics.
Client says:
“You know, the usual—save for retirement, put the kids through college, maybe pay off the house early. Pretty standard stuff. Anyway, what do most people in my situation do? What would you recommend?”
Practice Objectives
- 1Notice the deflection (jumping to recommendations)
- 2Gently bring them back to their own situation
- 3Try different angles to find emotional entry points
- 4Respect their boundaries while still seeking depth
- 5Help them see why the personal stuff matters
The Grieving Widow
A recent widow dealing with finances for the first time
Setup
A woman comes to see you three months after her husband passed away. He handled all the finances, and she feels overwhelmed and lost.
Client says:
“*Eyes watering* I don't even know where to start. My husband always handled everything. I found your card in his desk. I have no idea what we have, what the accounts are, any of it. I feel so stupid. He always said he'd take care of me, and now... I don't know what to do.”
Practice Objectives
- 1Lead with empathy, not efficiency
- 2Slow down—this is not a normal discovery meeting
- 3Reassure her that not knowing is completely normal
- 4Avoid overwhelming her with questions
- 5Focus on making her feel safe before getting to business
- 6Plan multiple meetings rather than covering everything now
A client says their goal is to "retire comfortably." What should you do next?