Key Takeaways
- Difficult people usually have reasons for being difficult
- Your frustration is a signal, not a guide
- Boundaries and curiosity can coexist
When Personalities Clash
Not every client will be easy to work with. Some will test your patience:
- The know-it-all who challenges everything
- The micromanager who wants hourly updates
- The passive-aggressive communicator
- The victim who blames everyone else
- The charmer who never follows through
Your job isn't to change their personality. It's to find a way to work with it—or to recognize when you can't.
The Know-It-All
A client who questions everything and thinks they know more
Setup
A client constantly challenges your recommendations, shares articles that contradict your advice, and seems to believe they could do your job better than you.
Client says:
“I was reading about this new tax strategy in the Wall Street Journal. Have you heard of it? It seems like we should be doing this. I don't understand why you haven't mentioned it. I also saw an article about REITs that makes me think we should reallocate. What do you think about these three funds I found?”
Practice Objectives
- 1Don't get competitive or defensive
- 2Acknowledge their research and interest
- 3Get curious about what's driving the second-guessing
- 4Educate without condescending
- 5Set boundaries about the advisory relationship
- 6Explore whether this is actually a good fit
The Micromanager
A client who calls or emails constantly
Setup
A client emails you multiple times per week, calls to discuss every market movement, and wants to know about every single transaction in their account.
Client says:
“I noticed my account went down $247 yesterday. Can you explain exactly what caused that? Also, I saw that you bought some shares of a tech ETF last week. Why didn't you tell me first? And what's our strategy for the Fed meeting next week? I've been thinking about it and I have some concerns.”
Practice Objectives
- 1Validate their engagement without encouraging over-monitoring
- 2Explore what's driving the anxiety
- 3Set appropriate expectations about communication
- 4Help them understand what matters vs. what doesn't
- 5Discuss the long-term view without dismissing their concerns
- 6Establish healthy boundaries
The Blamer
A client who never takes responsibility
Setup
Every time something goes wrong, this client blames someone else—their spouse, their employer, their previous advisor, you. They seem unable to take ownership of anything.
Client says:
“Look, the reason I'm not where I should be is because my old advisor was terrible. He put me in all the wrong things. And my company's 401k options are garbage. My wife spends too much. If it wasn't for everyone else, I'd be doing great. What can YOU do to fix this mess everyone created?”
Practice Objectives
- 1Do NOT point out the blaming pattern directly
- 2Listen for the kernel of valid frustration
- 3Get curious about what they feel is in their control
- 4Gently redirect to actionable items
- 5Avoid becoming the next person they blame
- 6Assess whether this relationship is workable
The Charming Non-Committer
A client who always agrees but never follows through
Setup
This client is wonderful in meetings—engaged, agreeable, enthusiastic. But they never sign paperwork, never follow through on action items, and nothing ever actually gets done.
Client says:
“Great to see you! I know, I know—I still haven't sent those documents. Things have been crazy. But I will, I promise! So what are we talking about today? I love our meetings. You always have such great ideas.”
Practice Objectives
- 1Name the pattern without attacking them
- 2Get curious about what's blocking action
- 3Explore whether they actually want to do these things
- 4Make it safe to admit if they're not ready
- 5Create accountability without nagging
- 6Consider whether this relationship is productive