7.1 Sentence Clarity, Eliminating Wordiness & Redundancy
Key Takeaways
- Syntactic economy and conciseness strengthen academic and professional prose by eliminating filler phrases, redundant modifiers, and unneeded lexical clutter.
- Wordy prepositional idioms (e.g., 'due to the fact that', 'at this point in time', 'in the event that') should be replaced with concise single-word equivalents ('because', 'now', 'if').
- Tautologies, pleonasms, and redundant word pairs (such as 'collaborate together', 'past history', 'completely eliminate', and 'advance planning') weaken prose and must be pruned.
- Nominalizations ('zombie nouns') bury dynamic actions inside weak verb-noun phrases (e.g., 'reach a conclusion' vs. 'conclude'); converting nominalizations into active verbs revitalizes sentence momentum.
- Expletive constructions ('there is', 'there are', 'it is clear that') delay the arrival of the true subject and predicate, creating sluggish, passive syntax.
Sentence Clarity, Eliminating Wordiness & Redundancy
Quick Answer: On the WEST-B Writing subtest (Test Code 096), writing clarity is evaluated through your ability to identify and eliminate wordiness (verbiage), redundancies (tautologies/pleonasms), empty nominalizations (zombie nouns), and sluggish expletive constructions. High-scoring prose achieves syntactic economy—conveying the maximum meaning using the fewest, most precise words. When revising, replace multi-word prepositional filler ('due to the fact that') with direct conjunctions ('because'), prune repetitive word pairs ('past history' → 'history'), convert nominalized verb-noun phrases ('conduct an investigation' → 'investigate'), and eliminate dummy subjects ('there are many teachers who believe' → 'many teachers believe').
1. The Core Principle of Syntactic Economy in Professional Prose
In academic and professional writing, economy does not mean stripping away necessary descriptive detail or nuance; rather, it means eliminating dead weight—words that consume cognitive space without adding semantic value. Bloated prose obscures meaning, fatigues readers, and creates an impression of evasiveness or stylistic insecurity.
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| THE SYNTACTIC ECONOMY EQUATION |
| |
| MEANING (Semantic Information) |
| ------------------------------------------ = COMMUNICATIVE POWER (Clarity & Impact) |
| WORDS (Lexical Volume) |
| |
| - High Lexical Volume + Low Meaning = Verbosity, Confusion, and Weak Academic Ethos |
| - Controlled Volume + Exact Meaning = Authority, Precision, and Cognitive Ease |
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When evaluating draft sentences on the WEST-B, candidates should ask three diagnostic questions:
- Does every word perform essential grammatical or semantic labor?
- Could a multi-word phrase be replaced by a single, precise verb or conjunction?
- Does any modifier simply restate a definition already inherent in the word it modifies?
2. Pruning Wordy Phrasing & Prepositional Clutter
Wordy phrasing often results from writers attempting to sound overly formal or academic by stringing together multi-word prepositional formulas. These formulas add syllables without adding thought.
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| WORDY FORMULAS VS. CONCISE REPLACEMENTS |
| |
| +---------------------------------------+-----------------------------+---------------------+ |
| | BLOATED / WORDY PHRASE | DIRECT CONCISE REPLACEMENT | SAVINGS / IMPACT | |
| +---------------------------------------+-----------------------------+---------------------+ |
| | due to the fact that | because, since | 4 words eliminated | |
| | at this point in time | now, currently | 4 words eliminated | |
| | in the event that | if | 3 words eliminated | |
| | for the purpose of | to, for | 3 words eliminated | |
| | with regard to / in reference to | regarding, about, on | 3 words eliminated | |
| | in spite of the fact that | although, even though | 5 words eliminated | |
| | until such time as | until | 3 words eliminated | |
| | in close proximity to | near, close to | 2 words eliminated | |
| | a large number of | many, numerous | 3 words eliminated | |
| | in the majority of instances | usually, mostly | 4 words eliminated | |
| | has the ability to | can | 3 words eliminated | |
| | is of the opinion that | believes, thinks | 4 words eliminated | |
| | take into consideration | consider | 2 words eliminated | |
| | in the near future | soon, shortly | 3 words eliminated | |
| | for the reason that | because | 3 words eliminated | |
| +---------------------------------------+-----------------------------+---------------------+ |
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Before-and-After Transformations: Eliminating Prepositional Padding
-
Bloated Draft: "In spite of the fact that the school district experienced a reduction in funding, educators continued with the implementation of the new literacy framework for the purpose of raising student scores." (31 words)
-
Streamlined Revision: "Although the school district experienced funding cuts, educators continued implementing the new literacy framework to raise student scores." (17 words — 45% reduction with heightened vigor).
-
Bloated Draft: "In the event that a student is absent for a period of three consecutive days, it is necessary for the parent to submit a note with regard to the illness." (28 words)
-
Streamlined Revision: "If a student is absent for three consecutive days, the parent must submit an explanation regarding the illness." (17 words).
3. Identifying and Rooting Out Redundancies, Pleonasms & Tautologies
A redundancy (or pleonasm) occurs when a writer pairs words whose definitions overlap, creating pointless repetition. A tautology is a statement that repeats an idea using different words without providing new information.
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| COMMON REDUNDANT PAIRS IN DRAFT WRITING |
| |
| +--------------------------+----------------------------+-----------------------------------+ |
| | REDUNDANT PHRASE | FLAW / OVERLAPPING MEANING | CORRECT CONCISE REVISION | |
| +--------------------------+----------------------------+-----------------------------------+ |
| | collaborate together | 'Collaborate' means work | collaborate | |
| | | together. | | |
| | past history | 'History' is by definition | history | |
| | | past events. | | |
| | completely eliminate | 'Eliminate' is absolute; | eliminate | |
| | | cannot be partial. | | |
| | advance planning | 'Planning' always occurs in| planning, preparation | |
| | | advance. | | |
| | basic fundamentals | 'Fundamentals' are by | fundamentals, basics | |
| | | definition basic. | | |
| | unexpected surprise | A 'surprise' is inherently | surprise | |
| | | unexpected. | | |
| | end result | A 'result' is always at | result, outcome | |
| | | the end. | | |
| | true facts | 'Facts' are by definition | facts, evidence | |
| | | true. | | |
| | revert back | 'Revert' means to turn | revert, return | |
| | | back. | | |
| | sum total | 'Total' is the sum. | total, sum | |
| | future forecast | A 'forecast' predicts the | forecast, projection | |
| | | future. | | |
| | foreign imports | 'Imports' come from | imports | |
| | | foreign sources. | | |
| | consensus of opinion | 'Consensus' is general | consensus | |
| | | agreement of opinion. | | |
| | period of two weeks time | 'Weeks' already indicates | two weeks | |
| | | time duration. | | |
| | join together | 'Join' means connect | join, unite | |
| | | together. | | |
| +--------------------------+----------------------------+-----------------------------------+ |
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Diagnosing Invisible Redundancies in Context
Watch for redundant modifiers that attempt to quantify or qualify absolute concepts:
- "The committee reached a complete and total consensus on the curriculum standards." → "The committee reached consensus on the curriculum standards."
- "The new laboratory guidelines are critically essential for safety." → "The new laboratory guidelines are essential for safety."
- "The principal asked the faculty to repeat the instructions again." → "The principal asked the faculty to repeat the instructions."
4. Unmasking Nominalizations ("Zombie Nouns")
A nominalization occurs when an active verb or adjective is converted into a heavy abstract noun (often ending in -tion, -ment, -ance, -ity, or -ence). Linguist Helen Sword famously dubbed these "zombie nouns" because they devour lively active verbs, suck the energy out of sentences, and require weak auxiliary verbs (make, conduct, perform, give, reach) to support them.
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| NOMINALIZATION CONVERSION PROTOCOL |
| |
| WEAK DRAFT: Verb turned into noun + weak helper verb |
| [Actor] + [Weak Helper Verb] + [Zombie Noun (-tion/-ment)] + [Prepositional Phrase] |
| "The team conducted an investigation of the assessment data." |
| | |
| v |
| VIGOROUS REVISION: Zombie noun resurrected as the primary action verb |
| [Actor] + [Dynamic Action Verb] + [Direct Object] |
| "The team investigated the assessment data." |
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Nominalization Conversion Master Matrix
| Weak Nominalized Phrase (Smothered Verb) | Resurrected Active Verb | Example Sentence Revision |
|---|---|---|
| make a decision | decide | "The board must make a decision on..." → "The board must decide..." |
| conduct an investigation of | investigate | "The committee conducted an investigation of..." → "The committee investigated..." |
| reach a conclusion | conclude | "Researchers reached a conclusion that..." → "Researchers concluded that..." |
| give consideration to | consider | "Please give consideration to our request." → "Please consider our request." |
| provide an explanation for | explain | "The teacher provided an explanation for the theorem." → "The teacher explained the theorem." |
| perform an evaluation of | evaluate | "Specialists performed an evaluation of the student." → "Specialists evaluated the student." |
| bring about a reduction in | reduce | "New routines brought about a reduction in tardiness." → "New routines reduced tardiness." |
| serve as a replacement for | replace | "Tablets will serve as a replacement for textbooks." → "Tablets will replace textbooks." |
| have a discussion about | discuss | "The PLC had a discussion about rubric criteria." → "The PLC discussed rubric criteria." |
| draw a comparison between | compare | "The author draws a comparison between two eras." → "The author compares two eras." |
5. Eliminating Expletive Constructions & Filler Openers
An expletive construction is a grammatical structure that begins with placeholder words such as "There is", "There are", "There were", or "It is [adjective] that". These words occupy the grammatical subject position but contribute zero concrete semantic content. They delay the introduction of the true subject, push the real action into subordinate clauses, and frequently breed passive voice.
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| DISMANTLING EXPLETIVE CONSTRUCTIONS |
| |
| EXPLETIVE OPENER: |
| "There are many elementary educators who believe that phonics instruction is essential." |
| [Dummy Subj] [Plural Noun] [Rel Clause] |
| |
| DIRECT SUBJECT-VERB REVISION: |
| "Many elementary educators believe that phonics instruction is essential." |
| [True Subject] [True Verb] |
| |
| EXPLETIVE OPENER: |
| "It is necessary for the department to submit the budget request by Friday." |
| [Dummy 'It'] [True Subject] [Action Verb] |
| |
| DIRECT SUBJECT-VERB REVISION: |
| "The department must submit the budget request by Friday." |
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Other Common Expletive and Throat-Clearing Openers to Prune:
- "It is clear that the intervention succeeded." → "The intervention clearly succeeded."
- "It is important to note that attendance has improved." → "Notably, attendance has improved." (or simply: "Attendance has improved.")
- "The reason why test scores dropped is because funding was reduced." → "Test scores dropped because funding was reduced." (Eliminates the wordy and redundant 'The reason why... is because').
6. The 4-Step Sentence Streamlining Protocol
When revising sentences for conciseness on the WEST-B exam, execute this four-step diagnostic procedure:
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| 4-STEP STREAMLINING PROTOCOL |
| |
| STEP 1: LOCATE THE TRUE AGENT (WHO OR WHAT PERFORMS THE ACTION?) |
| - Strip away dummy subjects ('there', 'it') and prepositional shells. |
| | |
| v |
| STEP 2: LOCATE THE TRUE ACTION (WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING?) |
| - Rescue nominalized nouns ('investigation', 'reduction') and convert them into dynamic verbs. |
| | |
| v |
| STEP 3: PRUNE PADDING & REDUNDANT PAIRS |
| - Convert multi-word idioms ('due to the fact that') to single conjunctions ('because'). |
| - Remove overlapping descriptors ('collaborate together', 'past history'). |
| | |
| v |
| STEP 4: VERIFY MEANING PRESERVATION & SYNTACTIC INTEGRITY |
| - Confirm that all vital qualifiers, shades of meaning, and grammatical agreements remain |
| fully intact. |
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7. Worked Transformation Demonstrations in Educational Contexts
Case 1: Administrative Policy Memo
- Unrevised Draft (42 words):
"There are a significant number of educators who are of the opinion that the making of a decision regarding the implementation of the new schedule should take into consideration the basic fundamentals of student sleep research at this point in time."
- Diagnostic Flaws:
- Expletive opener: "There are a significant number of educators who..."
- Wordy idioms: "are of the opinion that" (believe), "at this point in time" (now).
- Nominalizations: "the making of a decision" (deciding), "the implementation of" (implementing).
- Redundancy: "basic fundamentals" (fundamentals).
- Weak helper: "take into consideration" (consider).
- Concise Polished Revision (15 words):
"Many educators believe that implementing the new schedule must consider current adolescent sleep research."
- Results: 64% reduction in word count, immediate subject-verb clarity, and heightened authoritative tone.
Case 2: Special Education Diagnostic Report
- Unrevised Draft (38 words):
"In reference to the student's behavior, the multidisciplinary team conducted an evaluation of Marcus and reached the conclusion that he has the capability to collaborate together with peers during the course of structured small-group activities."
- Diagnostic Flaws:
- Wordy prepositional opening: "In reference to the student's behavior..."
- Nominalizations: "conducted an evaluation of" (evaluated), "reached the conclusion" (concluded).
- Redundant pair: "collaborate together" (collaborate).
- Wordy filler: "has the capability to" (can), "during the course of" (during).
- Concise Polished Revision (18 words):
"Evaluating Marcus's behavior, the multidisciplinary team concluded that he can collaborate effectively with peers during structured group activities."
- Results: 53% word count reduction with crisp, actionable diagnostic clarity.
Read the following draft sentence from an educator's proposal: 'Due to the fact that there are a large number of students who experience difficulty with reading fluency, the literacy committee reached a decision to conduct an evaluation of three supplemental phonics programs for the purpose of identifying the most effective intervention.' Which of the following revisions best eliminates wordiness, nominalizations, and redundancies while preserving the complete original meaning?
Which of the following sentences contains an unnecessary redundancy (pleonasm/tautology) that should be eliminated in formal academic writing?
An educator is revising the following sentence to eliminate weak nominalizations and strengthen active verb usage: 'The multidisciplinary evaluation team made an assessment of the sixth-grader's reading comprehension and came to the conclusion that visual graphic organizers provide assistance to his ability to retain information.' Which of the following represents the most vigorous, direct revision?
Read the following opening sentence from a school district technology memorandum: 'It is clear that there are several high school teachers who are of the opinion that digital tablets serve as a replacement for traditional physical textbooks.' Which of the following revisions best streamlines the expletive constructions and wordy formulas?