5.3 Style, Conciseness, & Eliminating Wordiness

5.3 Style, Conciseness, & Eliminating Wordiness

This independent study guide provided by OpenExamPrep examines the stylistic conventions tested on the Praxis Core Writing (5723) exam, focusing on eliminating bloated prose, choosing active over passive constructions, converting smothered verbs, and sustaining an authoritative academic register.

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The Anatomy of Wordiness: Three Primary Culprits

Wordiness in student drafts and standardized test prompts rarely stems from excessive technical vocabulary. Instead, it arises from three predictable stylistic flaws: empty filler phrases, tautological redundancies, and smothered verbs (nominalizations).

1. Empty Filler Phrases & Padded Clauses

Unskilled writers frequently pad sentences with bureaucratic circumlocutions in an attempt to sound profound or formal. These expressions add syllable count while obscuring meaning:

• Wordy: "It is important to bear in mind the reality that..." → Concise: "Remember that..." or omit entirely.
• Wordy: "Due to the fact that the experimental samples were contaminated..." → Concise: "Because the samples were contaminated..."
• Wordy: "In the event that severe weather conditions arise..." → Concise: "If severe weather arises..."

2. Tautologies & Redundant Modifiers

A tautology is the unnecessary repetition of an idea using different words that duplicate the same meaning. If the meaning of the modifier is already inherent in the noun or verb, the modifier is deadwood and must be pruned:

• Redundant: "The two laboratory researchers collaborated together on the project." (To collaborate inherently means to work together.) → Concise: "The two laboratory researchers collaborated on the project."
• Redundant: "The archeological team excavated ancient artifacts from past history." (History is inherently past; artifacts are inherently historical.) → Concise: "The archeological team excavated ancient artifacts."
• Redundant: "The district assembled a consensus of opinion regarding the calendar." (A consensus is by definition an opinion shared by a group.) → Concise: "The district reached a consensus regarding the calendar."

3. Smothered Verbs (Nominalizations)

A nominalization occurs when a vigorous action verb is transformed into a sluggish abstract noun—often ending in -tion, -ment, -ance, or -ence—and paired with an anemic generic verb such as make, conduct, perform, reach, or give.

• Smothered: "The committee made a decision to reject the proposal." → Vigorous: "The committee decided to reject the proposal."
• Smothered: "The state inspector conducted an examination of the facility." → Vigorous: "The state inspector examined the facility."
• Smothered: "The new curriculum provides an enhancement to student engagement." → Vigorous: "The new curriculum enhances student engagement."

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Wordiness Pruning Dictionary

Internalize these high-frequency inflated expressions and their concise academic replacements:

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Active Voice vs. Passive Voice: Agency & Vitality

Voice describes the relationship between the grammatical subject of a sentence and the action expressed by its verb. While passive voice is not grammatically incorrect, overusing it produces sluggish, evasive, and bureaucratic prose.

Structural Mechanics

Active Voice: [Actor / Agent] → [Transitive Verb] → [Recipient / Object]
              Example: "The school board approved the annual operating budget."
              Characteristics: The actor performs the action directly. Direct, energetic, economical.

Passive Voice: [Recipient / Object] → [Form of "to be" + Past Participle] → ["by" Actor]
               Example: "The annual operating budget was approved by the school board."
               Characteristics: The recipient is elevated to subject; the actor is relegated to a prepositional phrase or omitted entirely. Wordier, less dynamic.

Why Active Voice Is Preferred on the Praxis

1. Establishes Clear Agency: In academic, administrative, and policy analysis, identifying who did what is paramount. Passive constructions often obscure the responsible entity (e.g., "Mistakes were made" versus "The superintendent made mistakes").
2. Eliminates Deadwood: Passive voice invariably requires auxiliary verbs (is, was, were, has been) and prepositional phrases (by the...), inflating word counts without adding meaning.
3. Enhances Rhetorical Vigor: Active verbs propel the reader forward, whereas passive verbs force the reader to process the object before knowing who performed the action.

Legitimate Rhetorical Uses of Passive Voice

Passive voice is not forbidden; it is a specialized rhetorical tool. ETS considers passive voice appropriate under three specific conditions:

• When the Actor Is Unknown or Unimportant: "The ancient stone monument was carved thousands of years ago." (The specific carvers are lost to history.)
• When the Recipient or Result Is the Primary Focus: "Over three hundred rare colonial documents were preserved during the warehouse fire." (The documents, not the unnamed firefighters, are the thematic focus.)
• In Scientific Methodology & Lab Protocols: "The chemical reagent was heated to 80 degrees Celsius and centrifuged for ten minutes." (The scientific process must be objective and reproducible regardless of who held the test tube.)

Active vs. Passive Comparison Table

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Academic Register, Tone, & Eliminating Conversational Slang

The Praxis Core Writing test evaluates your command of formal academic register. Academic discourse requires an objective, measured, and intellectually rigorous tone. When revising draft passages, you must detect and eliminate informal spoken habits that creep into written prose.

1. Eliminating Conversational Slang, Idioms, & Cliches

Spoken idioms and figurative cliches undermine the scholarly credibility of academic writing:

• Informal / Idiomatic: "When the school board cut funding, the principal had to bite the bullet and axe two elective programs."
• Formal Academic: "When the school board reduced funding, the principal was forced to eliminate two elective programs."
• Informal / Slang: "The scientists were totally blown away when the data panned out."
• Formal Academic: "The scientists were astonished when the empirical data validated their hypothesis."

2. The Second-Person Direct Address Trap (You / Your)

In formal academic essays, expository articles, and research reports, addressing the reader directly using the second-person pronoun (you, your) is inappropriate. It creates an informal, instructional, or conversational tone suited for a blog post or speech, but unacceptable in scholarly writing:

• Informal (Second-Person): "When you analyze early childhood speech development, you must remember that environment matters."
• Formal (Third-Person): "When researchers analyze early childhood speech development, they must account for environmental influences."

3. Eliminating Conversational Hedges & Opinion Filters

Conversational hedges dilute an author's authority and waste words. Phrases like I think, I feel, in my personal opinion, and it goes without saying that represent rhetorical deadwood:

• Hedged / Wordy: "In my personal opinion, it seems to me that standardized tests might perhaps fail to measure true creativity."
• Authoritative Academic: "Standardized assessments often fail to capture multidimensional creative competencies."

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Worked Practical Examples

Example 1: Pruning Bloated Bureaucratic Policy Prose

Original Draft: "Due to the fact that school districts are currently experiencing a significant lack of adequate fiscal resources at this present point in time, administrators have reached a decision to put an end to all non-essential staff travel for the purpose of saving money."

• Step-by-Step Diagnostic:
  1. "Due to the fact that" is a bloated filler phrase → Replace with "Because".
  2. "currently experiencing... at this present point in time" is a flagrant tautological redundancy → Condense to "face severe budget deficits".
  3. "have reached a decision" is a smothered verb nominalization → Convert to active verb "have decided".
  4. "to put an end to" is an informal wordy idiom → Replace with "to end" or "to suspend".
  5. "for the purpose of saving money" is redundant padding when preceded by fiscal deficits → Omit entirely.
• Polished Academic Revision: "Because school districts currently face severe budget deficits, administrators have decided to suspend all non-essential staff travel."

Example 2: Eliminating Passive Obscurity and Informal Tone

Original Draft: "When you look into the literature on adolescent sleep deprivation, it was determined by pediatric researchers that teenagers' circadian rhythms are completely out of whack due to late-night smartphone usage by them."

• Step-by-Step Diagnostic:
  1. "When you look into" is an informal second-person direct address → Eliminate conversational framing.
  2. "it was determined by pediatric researchers that" is a sluggish passive dummy construction → Make researchers the active subject: "Pediatric researchers have determined that..."
  3. "completely out of whack" is colloquial slang → Replace with academic terminology: "disrupted" or "delayed".
  4. "due to late-night smartphone usage by them" is wordy and awkward → Streamline to "by nocturnal smartphone use".
• Polished Academic Revision: "Pediatric research demonstrates that adolescent circadian rhythms are severely disrupted by nocturnal smartphone use."