3.2 Conciseness & Eliminating Redundancy

Conciseness & Eliminating Redundancy

Core Principle: In standard written English and on the HiSET exam, the most concise grammatical construction that preserves the author's full intended meaning is virtually always superior to a wordy, padded alternative. Wordiness is not sophistication; economy of language is the hallmark of mature writing.

A substantial portion of questions on the HiSET Language Arts – Writing subtest targets redundancy and filler. Test-takers often succumb to the misconception that longer, multi-syllabic phrases sound more scholarly or authoritative. In reality, standardized editing assessments penalize verbal clutter. Every word in a sentence must perform distinct grammatical or semantic work. If a word or phrase repeats an idea already expressed elsewhere in the sentence, or if a five-word idiom can be replaced by a single precise term without loss of meaning, the extra words represent errors in economy.

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The Economy Principle in Academic and Professional Writing

The Economy Principle states that writers should convey the maximum amount of clear, accurate information using the fewest necessary words. Conciseness is not merely about making sentences short; it is about maximizing semantic density and eliminating deadweight.

The Three Major Sources of Wordiness

1. Tautology & Redundant Pairings: Expressing the exact same concept twice within the same phrase (e.g., true facts, past history).
2. Filler & Padded Idioms: Using verbose multi-word prepositions and conjunctions where a single word suffices (e.g., due to the fact that instead of because).
3. Syntactic Bloat (Nominalizations & Expletives): Smothering strong verbs inside abstract nouns or delaying the sentence subject with placeholder phrases (e.g., There was an evaluation conducted by the committee instead of The committee evaluated).

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Categorizing Redundancy: Tautology and Double Markings

A tautology is an expression that redundantly restates an idea using different words when the descriptive adjective or adverb is already intrinsic to the definition of the root noun or verb. A related flaw is double marking, where category labels (such as in color, in size, in shape) are needlessly appended to descriptive adjectives.

Comprehensive Redundancy Conversion Chart

The following table cataloging over 25 widespread redundant expressions frequently encountered in HiSET editing passages demonstrates how to strip unnecessary modifiers:

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Streamlining Wordy Fillers and Padded Prepositional Phrases

Many writers pad their sentences with bureaucratic, roundabout connective phrases. These phrases dilute the sentence's energy and obscure core grammatical connections without adding any informational value.

High-Frequency Filler Conversions

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Eradicating Nominalizations (Unsmothering Verbs)

A nominalization (often called a "smothered verb" or "zombie noun") occurs when a vigorous, active verb is turned into an abstract noun—typically by adding suffixes such as -tion, -ment, -ance, -ence, or -ity—and paired with an empty helper verb such as make, conduct, perform, give, reach, or effect.

Why Nominalizations Weaken Writing

1. They force the reader to process extra prepositions (of, for, into) and auxiliary verbs.
2. They hide the real actor and the real action, making sentences static and passive.
3. They dramatically inflate sentence word counts without conveying any new information.

[Weak / Nominalized]: The committee reached an agreement on the implementation of the policy.
[Strong / Unsmothered]: The committee agreed to implement the policy.

Nominalization-to-Verb Mapping Table

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Eliminating Empty Expletive Constructions

An expletive construction begins a sentence or clause with placeholder syntax such as There is, There are, There was, There were, It is... that, or It was... that. In these sentences, the placeholder pronoun (there or it) acts as a dummy subject, relegating the true subject and predicate to a subordinate position.

How to Restructure Expletives

• Wordy Expletive: There are many archaeologists who believe that the ruins date back to the Bronze Age. (14 words)

• Concise Restructure: Many archaeologists believe that the ruins date back to the Bronze Age. (11 words)

• Wordy Expletive: It was the sudden drop in temperature that caused the pipeline to rupture. (13 words)

• Concise Restructure: The sudden drop in temperature ruptured the pipeline. (8 words)

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Passage Trimming Case Studies

Case Study 1: Municipal Budget Justification

• Original Draft (62 words):

  "Due to the fact that our department is currently at this point in time experiencing severe fiscal limitations, there was a decision made by the administrative director for the purpose of cutting down on our daily operating expenses by means of eliminating all non-essential travel in order to achieve a final conclusion to our budget deficit problems."

• Diagnostic Analysis:
  1. Due to the fact that -> replace with Because.
  2. currently at this point in time -> double temporal padding; replace with currently or remove entirely.
  3. there was a decision made by the administrative director -> expletive + nominalization; replace with the administrative director decided.
  4. for the purpose of cutting down on -> replace with to reduce.
  5. by means of eliminating -> replace with by eliminating.
  6. in order to achieve a final conclusion to -> wordy filler + tautology (final conclusion); replace with to resolve.
• Polished Version (24 words):

  "Because our department faces severe fiscal limitations, the administrative director decided to reduce operating expenses by eliminating non-essential travel to resolve the budget deficit."

• Result: Word count reduced by 61% while sharpening clarity, authority, and flow.

Case Study 2: Environmental Impact Summary

• Original Draft (74 words):

  "In spite of the fact that the research scientists conducted an investigation into the water quality of the river on a monthly basis over a period of time spanning five years, they were capable of discovering few in number toxic pollutants, which serves to illustrate the true facts that the new industrial regulations have brought about a significant improvement in the overall health of the river ecosystem."

• Diagnostic Analysis:
  1. In spite of the fact that -> replace with Although.
  2. conducted an investigation into -> nominalization; replace with investigated.
  3. on a monthly basis over a period of time spanning five years -> wordy padding; replace with monthly for five years.
  4. were capable of discovering -> replace with discovered.
  5. few in number -> redundant category double marking; replace with few.
  6. which serves to illustrate the true facts that -> padded filler + tautology (true facts); replace with demonstrating that.
  7. have brought about a significant improvement in -> nominalization; replace with have significantly improved.
• Polished Version (29 words):

  "Although scientists investigated the river's water quality monthly for five years, they discovered few toxic pollutants, demonstrating that new industrial regulations have significantly improved the river ecosystem's health."

• Result: Word count reduced by 60% with vastly improved readability.