2.3 Active vs. Passive Voice, Wordiness, and Sentence Conciseness
Key Takeaways
- Active voice places the actor as the sentence subject, clearly establishing who performed the law enforcement action.
- Passive voice obscures responsibility by omitting the actor or shifting the object of the action into the subject position.
- Passive voice is acceptable in police reports only when the identity of the actor is genuinely unknown to the investigating officer.
- Wordy bureaucratic phrases like 'at this point in time' or 'conducted an examination of' reduce readability and should be replaced with concise single-word equivalents like 'then' or 'examined'.
- Concise police reports eliminate redundant paired words (such as 'null and void' or 'true and accurate') without sacrificing key factual evidence.
2.3 Active vs. Passive Voice, Wordiness, and Sentence Conciseness
California Highway Patrol reports serve as permanent factual records relied upon by prosecutors, defense attorneys, judicial officers, and collision reconstruction experts. Writing that is bloated with officialese, bureaucratic jargon, or passive voice creates ambiguity and slows down legal processing. The PELLET-B places heavy emphasis on active voice and conciseness because clear, direct writing reflects precise observation and professional accountability.
The Supremacy of Active Voice in CHP Narrative Writing
In active voice, the subject of the sentence performs the action expressed by the verb. In passive voice, the subject receives the action, often leaving the actor unstated or hidden in a prepositional phrase.
- Active Voice: Officer Smith arrested the driver. (Subject: Officer Smith | Verb: arrested | Object: the driver)
- Passive Voice: The driver was arrested by Officer Smith. (Subject: The driver | Verb: was arrested | Prepositional Phrase: by Officer Smith)
- Passive Voice (Actor Omitted): The driver was arrested. (Who arrested the driver? The report fails to specify.)
Why Active Voice Is Required in Police Reports
- Establishes Accountability: Active voice clearly identifies which officer performed an observation, search, seizure, or arrest.
- Enhances Directness: Active voice creates strong, clear sentences that leave no room for factual misinterpretation in court.
- Reduces Word Count: Active sentences are naturally shorter and more energetic than passive constructions.
| Report Action | Passive Voice (Avoid) | Active Voice (Preferred) |
|---|---|---|
| Field Sobriety Test | Field sobriety tests were administered by Officer Lee. | Officer Lee administered field sobriety tests. |
| Evidence Recovery | A plastic baggie of white powder was located under the seat. | Officer Gomez located a plastic baggie of white powder under the seat. |
| Vehicle Pursuit | The fleeing vehicle was pursued by Sergeant Davis. | Sergeant Davis pursued the fleeing vehicle. |
| Statement Collection | A written statement was provided by the witness. | The witness provided a written statement. |
Acceptable Exceptions for Passive Voice
While active voice is preferred in 95% of report narrative sentences, passive voice is grammatically acceptable and logically necessary under specific, limited circumstances:
- The Actor Is Unknown: When the investigating officer does not know who performed the action.
- Example: The passenger window was shattered prior to officer arrival.
- Example: The victim's wallet was stolen while she was inside the store.
- The Focus Is Entirely on the Victim or Object: When the recipient of the action is the primary subject of investigation and the actor is irrelevant to that specific sentence.
- Example: The pedestrian was struck by an unidentified blue sedan.
Unless the actor is unknown, always write in the active voice.
Identifying and Eliminating Police Jargon and Bureaucracy
Police reports often suffer from "officialese"—an overly formal, padded style of writing where officers use multi-word bureaucratic phrases instead of plain English verbs and nouns. On the PELLET-B, options containing excessive jargon or wordy phrases are routinely marked incorrect in favor of concise, direct alternatives.
Eliminating Wordy Phrases
Officers should replace multi-word transitional phrases with single, precise words:
-
Wordy: At this point in time, I observed the vehicle weave.
-
Concise: Then, I observed the vehicle weave.
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Wordy: Prior to the arrival of back-up officers, Officer Varga secured the scene.
-
Concise: Before back-up officers arrived, Officer Varga secured the scene.
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Wordy: I made contact with the driver for the purpose of inquiring about his speed.
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Concise: I contacted the driver to ask about his speed.
Verbifying Bureaucratic Noun Phrases
A common cause of wordiness is turning action verbs into nouns (nominalization) combined with weak helper verbs like conducted, made, or performed.
| Nominalized Phrase (Wordy) | Action Verb (Concise) |
|---|---|
| Conducted an investigation of | Investigated |
| Performed an examination of | Examined |
| Made an observation of | Observed |
| Came to the realization that | Realized |
| Effected an arrest of | Arrested |
| Ascertained the whereabouts of | Located / Found |
Replacing Redundant Paired Terms and Fillers
Wordiness also occurs when officers combine words that repeat the same meaning (redundancies) or insert filler phrases that add no factual value.
Common Police Narrative Redundancies
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Redundant: The officer observed a blue in color vehicle.
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Concise: The officer observed a blue vehicle.
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Redundant: The suspect had a knifelike weapon in his possession.
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Concise: The suspect had a knife.
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Redundant: The statement was true and accurate.
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Concise: The statement was accurate.
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Redundant: At 1400 hours in the afternoon, the collision occurred.
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Concise: At 1400 hours, the collision occurred. (or: At 2:00 p.m., the collision occurred.)
Summary Table: Wordy Police Phrases vs. Concise Alternatives
| Wordy / Bureaucratic Phrase | Concise Report Alternative | Category |
|---|---|---|
| At this point in time | Now / Then | Temporal Filler |
| In the event that | If | Conditional Filler |
| During the time that | While | Temporal Filler |
| For the purpose of | To | Prepositional Padding |
| Conducted a search of | Searched | Nominalization |
| Made an application of force | Used force | Nominalization |
| Affixed his signature to | Signed | Nominalization |
| Red in color | Red | Color Redundancy |
| Responded back to the scene | Returned to the scene | Spatial Redundancy |
| Completely unanimous | Unanimous | Modifier Redundancy |
Which sentence is written in the clear active voice preferred for CHP incident reports?
Identify the sentence that successfully replaces bureaucratic wordiness with concise, direct police language.
In which situation is passive voice acceptable in an official law enforcement narrative?