1.3 Paragraph-Level Editing

Introduction: Editing Beyond the Sentence

Paragraph-level editing questions on the SHSAT focus on the organization, coherence, and flow of an entire passage. Rather than focusing on a single sentence's grammar, these questions test your ability to improve the logical progression of ideas, select appropriate transitions, reorder sentences for clarity, and eliminate redundant or wordy language.

---

Paragraph Flow and Coherence

A well-written paragraph has a clear focus, usually established by a topic sentence. Every subsequent sentence should support that central idea. When editing at the paragraph level, you must evaluate how well the sentences hang together.

1. Identifying the Topic Sentence

The topic sentence introduces the main idea of the paragraph. It is usually, but not always, the first sentence. Supporting sentences must relate directly to this topic. If a sentence introduces an irrelevant detail—even if that detail is interesting—it disrupts the paragraph's unity and must be removed.

• SHSAT Tip: Look for questions that ask, "Which sentence should be removed from the paragraph because it is off-topic?" To solve these, summarize the paragraph's main theme in three words, and find the sentence that doesn't fit that summary.

2. Transition Words and Phrases

Transitions are the glue that holds a paragraph together. They signal the relationship between sentences and guide the reader through the author's logic. Choosing the wrong transition word can completely change or ruin the meaning of a passage.

---

Logical Sentence Ordering

A common and challenging SHSAT question type asks you to determine the best place for a sentence within a paragraph (e.g., "Where should Sentence 5 be placed to make the paragraph more logical?").

To solve these questions, follow this checklist of structural clues:

1. Pronoun Clues: Look for pronouns like this, these, that, they, or he/she. A sentence containing "This experiment" must immediately follow a sentence that describes the experiment.
2. Chronological Order: Follow the timeline. If the paragraph describes a historical sequence of events, a sentence describing an event in 1925 cannot precede a sentence about 1910.
3. Cause-and-Effect Sequences: If one sentence describes a cause and another describes its effect, the cause must come first.
4. Transition Words: If a sentence starts with However, it must follow a sentence expressing a contrasting view.
5. General-to-Specific Pattern: Paragraphs usually introduce a general concept before offering specific details, data, or examples.

---

Removing Redundancy and Wordiness

Conciseness is a hallmark of good writing. The SHSAT expects you to recognize and eliminate wordiness (unnecessary words that add fluff) and redundancy (repeating the same idea in different words).

1. Redundancy (Double Meanings)

Redundant phrases repeat information unnecessarily.

• collaborate together -> collaborate (collaborating already implies doing it together)
• revert back -> revert (reverting already means going back)
• annual yearly event -> annual event or yearly event
• shorter in length -> shorter (short already refers to length)

2. Wordiness (Convoluted Phrasing)

Wordy sentences use complex structures where simple ones would be clearer.

• Wordy: Due to the fact that the rain was falling in a heavy manner, we postponed the match. (17 words)
• Concise: Because it was raining heavily, we postponed the match. (9 words)
• Wordy: The reason why she succeeded was because of her hard work. (11 words)
• Concise: She succeeded because of her hard work. (7 words)

---

Clarifying Ideas and Sentence Combining

Sometimes, the SHSAT will ask you to combine two short, choppy sentences into a single, cohesive sentence. The correct choice must be grammatically correct, preserve the original meaning, and avoid redundancy.

• Sentence 1: The Rosetta Stone was discovered in 1799.
• Sentence 2: It allowed scholars to finally decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs.
• Combined (Incorrect): The Rosetta Stone was discovered in 1799, and it allowed scholars to finally decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs, which they did. (Adds redundancy "which they did".)
• Combined (Incorrect): Discovered in 1799, scholars finally deciphered Egyptian hieroglyphs with the Rosetta Stone. (Dangling modifier: "scholars" were not discovered in 1799.)
• Combined (Correct): Discovered in 1799, the Rosetta Stone allowed scholars to finally decipher Egyptian hieroglyphs. (Concise, grammatically correct, and preserves the logical relationship.)

Rules for Sentence Combining

When combining sentences, keep these guidelines in mind:

• Avoid Run-ons and Comma Splices: Do not join two independent clauses with only a comma. Use a comma and a coordinating conjunction (FANBOYS), a semicolon, or subordinate one of the clauses.
• Maintain the Logical Relationship: If Sentence 1 is a cause and Sentence 2 is an effect, the combined sentence must use a transition like because, since, or so to maintain that relationship.
• Watch for Dangling Modifiers: When starting a combined sentence with a participial phrase (e.g., Having researched the topic...), ensure the true subject immediately follows the comma.