4.2 Concision and Eliminating Redundancy

The Importance of Concision

In academic and professional writing, concision is a highly valued trait. Concision means expressing your ideas clearly and comprehensively in the fewest possible words. On the ACCUPLACER Writing test, you will frequently be asked to identify and correct sentences that are wordy, repetitive, or unnecessarily complex. The goal is not just to make sentences shorter, but to make them more impactful and easier to read.

Understanding Wordiness

Wordiness occurs when a sentence uses more words than necessary to convey its meaning. This can dilute the main point and frustrate the reader. Wordy sentences often contain 'filler' words, passive voice, or convoluted structures that can be simplified.

Example of Wordiness: Due to the fact that it was raining, we made the decision to cancel the outdoor event. Concise Revision: Because it was raining, we canceled the outdoor event.

Notice how the concise revision eliminates the clunky phrase 'Due to the fact that' and replaces 'made the decision to cancel' with the stronger, more direct verb 'canceled'.

Identifying Redundancy

Redundancy is a specific type of wordiness where information is repeated unnecessarily. This often happens when a writer uses a modifier that is already implied by the word it modifies.

When reviewing sentences for redundancy, look for words that mean the same thing placed close together. If removing a word doesn't change the meaning of the sentence, it's likely redundant.

Common Sources of Wordiness

Beyond redundancy, several other patterns contribute to wordy writing. Being able to spot these will help you on the exam.

• Empty Phrases: Phrases like 'for all intents and purposes', 'in the event that', and 'it is important to note that' often add nothing to the meaning.
  • Wordy: In the event that it snows, school will be closed.
  • Concise: If it snows, school will be closed.
• Passive Voice: While not always wrong, passive voice often requires more words than active voice and can sound indirect.
  • Wordy: The ball was thrown by the boy.
  • Concise: The boy threw the ball.
• Overuse of Nouns (Nominalization): Turning verbs into nouns often requires adding weak verbs like 'make', 'do', or 'give'.
  • Wordy: The committee held a discussion about the new policy.
  • Concise: The committee discussed the new policy.
• Circumlocution: Beating around the bush or using a long description instead of a specific word.
  • Wordy: The person who is in charge of managing the finances...
  • Concise: The treasurer...

Strategies for Eliminating Wordiness

When tackling concision questions, use these strategies:

1. Identify the Core Meaning: Strip the sentence down to its essential subject, verb, and object. What is the main action? Who is performing it?
2. Target Redundancy: Scan for modifiers that duplicate the meaning of the words they modify (e.g., 'absolutely essential').
3. Strengthen Verbs: Replace weak verb-noun phrases ('make an announcement') with strong action verbs ('announce').
4. Remove Filler: Cross out introductory phrases or transitional fluff that doesn't add logical value.

Passage-Based Revision Example

Original Passage: The reason why the experiment failed is because of the fact that the temperature was not properly monitored by the lab technicians. In a period of two hours, the solution reached a boiling point unexpectedly. It is absolutely essential that close attention is paid to the thermostat in future experiments.

Question: Which choice provides the most concise revision of the first sentence? Options:

• A) The experiment failed because the lab technicians did not properly monitor the temperature.
• B) The reason for the failure of the experiment was due to the lab technicians not monitoring the temperature.
• C) Because of the fact that the temperature was not monitored properly by the technicians, the experiment failed.
• D) NO CHANGE

Breakdown: The original sentence is cluttered with wordy phrases: 'The reason why', 'is because of the fact that', and it uses passive voice ('was not properly monitored by'). Option A is the best choice because it eliminates the filler and uses active voice ('technicians did not properly monitor'), conveying the exact same meaning much more directly.

Question: How can the phrase 'In a period of two hours' be revised for maximum concision? Options:

• A) In a two-hour period of time
• B) During the timeframe of two hours
• C) Over the course of two hours
• D) Within two hours

Breakdown: 'Within two hours' conveys the exact same temporal boundary as the longer phrases, without the unnecessary words 'period', 'time', or 'course'. It is the most direct and concise option.

The Student Trap: Shorter Isn't Always Better

While concision is important, a common trap is assuming that the absolute shortest answer is always correct. The correct answer must be concise without losing essential information or altering the intended meaning. Sometimes, a slightly longer option is necessary for grammatical correctness or to preserve an important nuance. Always check that the meaning remains intact after you've eliminated words.