3.4 Dangling/Misplaced Modifiers & Wordiness Reduction

3.4 Dangling/Misplaced Modifiers & Wordiness Reduction

In law enforcement writing, clarity and conciseness are paramount. A police report must communicate facts directly, without ambiguity, and in the fewest words necessary. Two major obstacles to effective incident writing are modifier placement errors (dangling and misplaced modifiers) and wordiness (bloated police jargon and redundant expressions). On the California POST PELLETB Writing subtest, test-takers are evaluated extensively on their ability to detect illogical modifier attachments and to transform bloated sentences into concise, direct prose.

1. Demystifying Modifiers in Police Narratives

A modifier is a word, phrase, or clause that describes, clarifies, or provides additional detail about another element in a sentence. Adjectives, adverbs, prepositional phrases, and participial phrases all function as modifiers.

• Standard Rule of Proximity: To ensure clarity, a modifier must be placed as close as possible to the specific noun or pronoun it is intended to modify.

When modifiers are separated from their target nouns, or when the target noun is omitted entirely, the sentence becomes grammatically distorted and often conveys an absurd or illogical meaning.

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2. Dangling Modifiers: Identification and Repair

A dangling modifier occurs when an introductory modifying phrase—usually an -ing or -ed participial phrase—lacks a logical subject in the main clause. Grammatically, an introductory phrase modifies the noun that immediately follows the comma. If that noun cannot logically perform the action described in the phrase, the modifier "dangles."

The Classic Law Enforcement Modifier Trap

Consider the following sentence commonly seen on police report writing exams:

• Dangling Modifier: Walking down the hallway, the stolen firearm was found by Officer Davis.
  • Analysis: The introductory phrase is "Walking down the hallway." What noun immediately follows the comma? "The stolen firearm." Grammatically, this asserts that the stolen firearm was walking down the hallway! Because a firearm cannot walk, the modifier dangles illogically.

Two Methods for Correcting Dangling Modifiers

Method A: Make the True Actor the Subject of the Main Clause

Change the subject following the comma so that it represents the person or entity performing the action in the introductory phrase.

• Corrected (Method A): Walking down the hallway, Officer Davis found the stolen firearm.
  • Check: Who was walking down the hallway? Officer Davis. The modifier now correctly attaches to Officer Davis.

Method B: Turn the Introductory Phrase into a Dependent Clause

Expand the introductory modifier into a complete dependent clause containing its own subject and verb.

• Corrected (Method B): While Officer Davis was walking down the hallway, he found the stolen firearm.

Additional Law Enforcement Examples

• Dangling: Searching the suspect's vehicle, a concealed dagger was discovered under the floor mat.

  • Analysis: Did the concealed dagger search the vehicle? No.
  • Corrected: Searching the suspect's vehicle, Deputy Martinez discovered a concealed dagger under the floor mat.

• Dangling: After reviewing the security footage, the suspect was arrested.

  • Analysis: Did the suspect review the security footage? No, the officer did.
  • Corrected: After reviewing the security footage, Officer Jenkins arrested the suspect.

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3. Misplaced Modifiers: Causes and Corrections

A misplaced modifier occurs when a modifier is placed too far from the word it modifies, creating confusion or unintended humor. Unlike a dangling modifier, the target noun is present in the sentence—it is simply located in the wrong position.

Misplaced Modifier Examples in Reports

• Misplaced: Officer Martinez arrested the suspect wearing a bulletproof vest.

  • Problem: Is Officer Martinez wearing the vest, or is the suspect? As written, "wearing a bulletproof vest" attaches to "suspect." If the officer wore the vest, the modifier is misplaced.
  • Corrected (Officer wearing vest): Wearing a bulletproof vest, Officer Martinez arrested the suspect.
  • Corrected (Suspect wearing vest): Officer Martinez arrested the suspect, who was wearing a bulletproof vest.

• Misplaced: The officer retrieved the spent bullet casing from the victim that was fired from a 9mm pistol.

  • Problem: Grammatically implies the victim was fired from a 9mm pistol.
  • Corrected: From the victim, the officer retrieved the spent bullet casing that was fired from a 9mm pistol.

The Danger of Limiting Modifiers (Only, Almost, Nearly, Barely)

Limiting modifiers must be placed immediately before the word they qualify. Changing their position alters the entire meaning of the sentence.

• Sentence A: Officer Kim only advised the suspect of his rights. (Officer Kim advised rights and did nothing else—did not arrest, search, or question).
• Sentence B: Officer Kim advised only the suspect of his rights. (Officer Kim advised the suspect, but not the bystander or co-defendant).

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4. Wordiness Reduction & Eliminating Bloated Police Jargon

Law enforcement narratives frequently suffer from "wordiness"—the unnecessary use of bloated, pseudo-official phrases where simple, direct words would be far clearer and more effective. On the PELLETB, the clearest option is almost always the most direct and concise version that retains complete factual accuracy.

Eliminating Bloated Phrases

Replace wordy multi-word phrases with single, precise words:

Eliminating Redundant Expressions

Redundancy occurs when two words express the exact same concept. Strip away deadwood words to sharpen narrative prose:

• Redundant: Past history -> Concise: History
• Redundant: Consensus of opinion -> Concise: Consensus
• Redundant: Completely eliminated -> Concise: Eliminated
• Redundant: Red in color -> Concise: Red
• Redundant: Rectangular in shape -> Concise: Rectangular
• Redundant: Travel at a high rate of speed -> Concise: Speeding / Traveling at 80 mph

Before-and-After Conciseness Transformations

• Bloated Narrative: Subsequent to securing the perimeter, Officer Smith made an observation of a male subject proceeding to travel in close proximity to the residence at a high rate of speed. (29 words)
• Concise Narrative: After securing the perimeter, Officer Smith observed a male subject speeding near the residence. (14 words - 52% word reduction, zero loss of facts).

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5. PELLETB Clarity Test Strategy

When answering Writing Clarity questions on the PELLETB:

1. Scan for Introductory Phrases: If a sentence begins with an -ing phrase (Walking down the street..., Searching the trunk...), verify that the noun following the comma is the true actor. Eliminate any option where the modifier dangles.
2. Identify Bloated Jargon: Strike out options containing wordy expressions like "due to the fact that," "at this point in time," or "made an observation of."
3. Verify Misplaced Adverbs: Ensure limiting adverbs like "only" or "nearly" are adjacent to the exact word they modify.
4. Choose Direct Active Sentences: Select the sentence that is grammatically correct, active in voice, direct in modifier placement, and free of redundant filler.